


there you go, saving me

by whataboutateakettle



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Buck, Gen, M/M, Season/Series 03 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 13:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20995250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whataboutateakettle/pseuds/whataboutateakettle
Summary: “I hope you do find something you love… ‘cause when you do, it’s gonna tell you who you are. And it’s gonna show you the rest of your life. And that is the best feeling.”// some bonus scenes for 3x03.





	there you go, saving me

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I tried to keep this as canon as possible, because I didn't want it to all make not make any sense by next week. <strike>Some parts are obviously pure headcanon at this point but oh well</strike>  
2\. Buck's comments to Chris in the last episode inspired Maddie's lines in this fic and also really gave me a deeper personal understanding of Buck as a character.  
3\. I have been convinced that Maddie knows Buck is bisexual since she commented on Eddie at the start of season 2.  
4\. Title from Fire on Fire, by Sam Smith  
5\. I also have a wip buddie playlist of songs that make me think of them if you want to check it out [ here ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4Edz2gXaC117gKBHxmLgnv?si=i2o0faLSS8yOkvj1g6wtUg)

Buck has these scratches on his face that look like claw marks. Eddie’s not sure how he missed them before but now he can’t stop thinking about it. He can’t stop thinking about a lot of things. How, if things were different, he’d make a joke about how badass Buck looked, how he’d show him a photo of Christopher in his Wolverine costume from last year and how Buck would laugh, soaking up the attention.

But Buck can’t laugh at his jokes because he’s lying on a shitty army-cot-turned-hospital-bed, getting a blood transfusion because the doctors weren’t sure how much blood he’d lost by the time he got to the clinic. He was at risk of internal bleeding too, they said, from being tossed around in the water while he was on blood thinners. While he was looking for Christopher. He almost died trying to save Christopher.

“Eddie,” he hears and realizes Maddie is looking up at him from where she’s sitting next to Buck’s cot. 

He’s barely in the room, standing by the door like he needs to be invited in. The room is quiet, especially compared to the chaos that is still reigning in the triage area. He looks around, at the couple other patients asleep in their own cots. There’s no other family with them though and Eddie’s glad, suddenly, that’s Buck’s not alone. 

“Hi. Sorry. I’m -” He pauses, words escaping him. He takes a couple of steps into the room and gestures towards Buck’s still body. “I just wanted to see how he was doing.”

“Why aren’t you with Christopher?” Maddie asks, glancing down at Buck before she looks back at him, “Is he okay?”

Eddie wants to laugh, maybe all Buckley’s are the same. Infuriating. Over-protective of his son. His son, who kept asking if Buck was okay while the doctors were checking him over. His son who told him about how Buck carried him from the wave, and caught him in the water, and about the firetruck and about all the other people Buck helped onto it. His son, who iss at home, alive, sleeping in his bed with his abuela tonight. He sighs, “Yeah, he’s - he’s fine. A couple scratches and bruises. A bit shaken up. My abuela’s watching him right now. But, um, he’s not the one lying unconscious in a hospital bed.”

Maddie frowns for a second, and stands up from her stool. “He’s just sleeping,” she says as she rounds the bed to stand next to Eddie, puts a hand on his arm. “Hey, why don’t we take a walk, I could use some of that cold coffee they’re offering in the kitchen.” 

Eddie’s pretty sure he knows what she’s doing, but he lets her guide him out of the room anyway. 

“He’ll be okay you know. The doctors said he’ll be able to go home tomorrow,” Maddie says as she points him towards a door that opens up into a kitchen area. There’s a box of granola bars on the counter, and a couple of bags of fruit, next to a line of coffee pots that look like they’ve been sitting there for hours. 

“No, I know. I just… Who knows when he’ll be able to get back to work now. If he’ll ever be able to go back to work. If I hadn’t -”

“Eddie,“ she warns, shoves a paper cup of lukewarm liquid into his hands. “Are you serious? This is not your fault. Besides, you know he quit.”

He gives her a look, “Come on, you know that wouldn’t have stuck.”

“Oh believe me, I know,” Maddie lets out a laugh, before taking a sip from her own paper cup. “Eddie, you’re his best friend but I grew up with him. Trust me, Buck doesn’t give up on something he loves. Or someone. He doesn’t know how.”

He’s never heard himself referred to as Buck’s best friend before, but now it somehow feels inevitable, like it’s been true for years. He takes a gulp of his coffee, thinks about Buck not giving up. 

“You know, sometimes I think when Buck loves something, it takes over. Like it becomes part of him,” Maddie continues, fingers drumming gently against her cup. “That’s why I think it’s so hard for him to let go. I mean, you saw how long it took him to let go of Abby after she left. And it’s not just her, when Buck was in high school he fell in love with a g- I mean.” Maddie shakes her head, smiling a little too widely. “It doesn’t matter. My point is. Buck loves Christopher. He would have given his life to protect him and he is never going to let you blame yourself for that. And he’s definitely not going to give up on firefighting any time soon.”

He sighs, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he blames himself. For losing him. The way he looked last night… But Chris told me what happened. You know he probably saved a dozen lives on that truck?”

His voice cracks a little, and he feels Maddie put a hand on his shoulder, rub it gently. “I know.”

* * *

He’s pretty sure he just slept for 12 hours straight, and he’s pretty sure he could sleep 12 more. But he’d love to do it in his own bed, where the metal from an old army cot isn’t sticking into his side. At least the needle in his arm is gone now. 

“Hey,” he hears, looks up to see Maddie standing there, above him. She looks tired, and he’s not certain, but he thinks those are the same clothes she was wearing when she arrived at the VA last night, and none of it is good, obviously, but he’s really, really, happy she’s here. “Good morning, little brother. How are you feeling?”

He nods, pushes himself to sit up on the bed. It’s a lot harder than he remembers it being. “I’m fine.” 

Maddie frowns, leans over to put an arm around his shoulders and help him upright. “Seriously, Evan, if you’re having any pains at all you have to -.” 

“I know, I will. I promise!” he says, waving her to calm down. To be honest, everything is sore. He feels like he did a whole body workout and then some. 

“Doctors say you can go home in an hour or so, they just want to do one more check up,” Maddie takes his hand, squeezes it. “Chimney’s gonna pick us up.”

He nods, not really taking it in before some more memories from last night come flooding back to him. “Christopher’s okay right? Have you heard from Eddie? I saw him but, uh, I think I collapsed before-”

“Buck,” Maddie starts, letting go of his hand and moving up to cup his cheek gently, “Christopher is fine. He’s safe. Eddie came in last night, you know. While you were sleeping. ”

His eyes widen, he knows because he feels the cuts on his face stretch and burn. “He did?”

“He was worried you would blame him.”

Buck frowns, for a moment, before it starts pulling at his cuts again, “For what? He did noth-”

“I know,” Maddie cuts him off, “I told him that.” 

It’s him, he deserves the blame. For letting go of Christopher, for losing him. He had one job yesterday, and he blew it. He doesn’t say anything though, because Maddie’s looking at him like she already knows what he’s thinking and she’s willing to fight him on it. 

Maddie rubs at his cheek gently, before pulling her hand away. Her gaze drops to the floor for a moment before she looks at him again, something different on her face. “Also, I need to tell you something. I nearly told Eddie about Alex, from high school. But don’t worry! I stopped myself before I actually said anything.”

He freezes, for a moment, doesn’t know what to say. He hasn’t thought about Alex in years. “How did that even come up?” He doesn’t look at her, stares down at his hands instead. 

“I’m sorry, I really am. I know you don’t want to tell people. I just, I don’t _ get it _, Buck. You trust those people with your life every day, they’re not gonna care that you’re bi. But I’m not-” Maddie puts her hands up defensively, “I’m not pushing you, I promise.”

Buck shuts his eyes for a minute, trying not to look too upset. He wonders for a moment whether Chimney knows, whether his secrets are fair game now that Maddie’s dating him. But he wills the thought away, opens his eyes to answer her question. “I just don’t want it to be a big deal,” he says slowly, “And if I bring it up now, the fact that I didn’t tell anyone before is going to make it a big deal. You know them, they’d throw me a coming out party before I can even finish the sentence. They’ll probably have a cake in the shape of a rainbow.”

“Would that be so bad?” Maddie looks at him pointedly. 

“You know,” he looks back at her, “this is a really intense conversation for someone who should be taking it easy.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up,” Maddie mimes zipping her lips, before she leans over to take his hand again. “I just want you to be happy, Evan.”

Yeah, well, he thinks, he’ll be happy when everything goes back to normal.

* * *

He’s doing up his watch as he walks into Christopher’s room to find him sitting on his bed, holding his shirt in his hands. 

“Hey buddy, you okay?” He asks, immediately dropping to his knee to look him in the eye. Chris’ hands are tight around the fabric but he lets go easily when Eddie reaches for it. “Does your shoulder hurt?”

Chris shrugs, “A little.” 

Eddie never thought he’d see the day that he was grateful, relieved that his kid was in pain. Because it meant he was alive. For all the tragedy the tsunami had brought, Chris only had a handful of cuts and bruises on his tiny body, including a nasty one on his shoulder, but he’ll take it. 

He smiles, unballs the shirt, “That’s okay, I can help you.” 

Chris holds his arms out and Eddie slips them through the sleeves before pulling the shirt over his head, His glasses almost get pulled down and he laughs at him as Eddie fixes them on his face, then moves to run his fingers through his brown curls.

When Buck was telling him, trying to tell him- _ God _, he’s never felt dread like that before. He’s not sure how he didn’t immediately collapse under the weight of it all. Sometimes he still feels like, pressing at his chest and he can't breath. Eddie closes his eyes, wills away the feeling, reminds himself that this, Christopher, his smile, his hair, his smell, is real. When he opens his eyes, Chris is still looking at him. 

“Chris, I need to ask you something and you gotta tell me the truth yeah? You promise?”

“Okay,” he nods, pressing his lips together in concentration. 

“How do you feel about spending the day with Buck?”

He grins almost immediately, eyes lighting up so bright that Eddie can feel the warmth in his own chest. It’s almost too much.

“Are you sure you’re okay with that? You’re not going to feel scared?”

“Buck’s not scary,” Chris says, like it’s obvious. Then he frowns, concerned, “Is he okay?”

Eddie knows that Buck’s been home since yesterday, that he’s walking and talking and _ not dead_, thanks to Maddie and Chimney’s updates. But they haven’t actually spoken since he found Chris. And that’s on him, that’s on him not being sure what to say, how to say what it all means to him. 

“He will be, kid. And I think _ you _ can make him feel even better.”

“Yeah?” Chris looks pleased, and it warms his heart all over again, that his kid could so kind and caring and brave.

“Yeah buddy, you make everything better.”

Chris smiles, reaches out a hand to pat the side of Eddie’s face gently, “So do you, dad.”

He’s not going to cry. He’s not.

“Can I take my legos to Buck’s?” Chris asks suddenly, twisting around to look at the toys in the corner of his room. 

Eddie raises his eyebrows, feels saved all over again by an 8-year-olds priorities. He helps Christ stand up off the bed, “Of course you can, kid. Why don’t you go pick out what you want to bring, and then we can get your shoes on, yeah?”

* * *

Eddie’s hands are shoved in his front pockets, looking down at his feet when Bucks opens the door. His short hair is a little messed up, as much as it can be, and Buck wonders briefly if it’s from his helmet or him touching it throughout the day.

“Hey, how was your shift?” He asks, opening the door wider for Eddie to come inside. 

Eddie grins at him, “Actually, kind of slow. I don’t know, must be some kind of post-tsunami miracle.”

Buck lets himself chuckle at that, even though the very mention of the tsunami knots his stomach a little. He closes the door and turns back, and Eddie’s leaning up against his dining table, hands holding onto the edge so that his shirt stretches against his chest. Buck blinks. 

“So where’s Chris? He’s still here right?” Eddie grins again but the joke falls flat. 

“Don’t - ” Buck snaps, more harsh than he means to be, but stops himself and takes a breath. “He’s asleep. I gave him ice cream after the pizza and he totally crashed.”

Eddie stretches his neck to look beyond the stairs and seems satisfied to spot Christopher curled up on the sofa, where Buck had covered him with a blanket. 

“I was gonna carry him upstairs but I, uh -” Buck starts, glances up at the staircase that leads to his bed, doesn’t want to admit how long it takes himself to get up there right now.

"No, no,” Eddie shakes his head, “You shouldn’t be carrying anything heavier than a pizza slice right now. Maddie gave me strict instructions.”

Buck does laugh at that, and nods towards the pizza box that’s sitting on the kitchen counter. “Speaking of, there’s leftovers, you want some?”

Eddie nods, eyes lighting up the same way Chris’ do when someone mention’s food, and Buck steps around to the counter to hand him the box, before moving to open the fridge.“You want a beer?”

“Sure, why not?” Eddie replies, words already muffled with a mouthful of pizza as he sits down on a chair. Buck pulls two bottles and puts them on the table, sits himself down next to Eddie, angled to face him. 

“So,” Eddie starts, swallowing his bite, “What’d the doctor say?”

“That I need to take it easy,” he sighs, the words loaded with everything the doctor actually said. No guarantees, regular check ups, nothing too strenuous. Nothing that gets him back to firefighting any time soon. 

“Hey, you know we’re here for you right?” Eddie says softly, reaches out to touch Buck’s forearm for a second before he picks up is beer and takes a swig. Buck watches his cheeks hollow and his adam’s apple move as he swallows. “Firefighter or not, you’re part of the family.”

Buck nods, unconvinced that it’s really that easy. Eddie must’ve noticed, because he raises an eyebrow at him, the way he does when Buck’s being an idiot. “Buckley, get this through your stubborn skull, okay? No matter what you end up doing, you are part of the 1-18 family. And you’re part of the Diaz family.”

He furrows his brow, “I am?” he asks as Eddie takes another bite of his pizza. 

“Mmm-hmm, Abuela said as much when I told her how you saved Chris.”

The words still don’t make total sense to him, but Eddie says it so matter-of-factly that he thinks he better start getting used to it. He hums, smiling, takes a drink. 

“Man, you are gonna have so many people fighting over you at Thanksgiving,” Eddie laugh, reaches a hand out to whack Buck’s knee gently. 

He smiles, doesn’t quite know what to say, how to describe the way in which his stomach flutters and his chest feels warm. So, instead, he segues. “So I was thinking, I can’t actually save people right now, maybe I could be a dispatcher, like Maddie.”

Eddie chokes on a laugh, looks at him with a teasing gaze. “Uh… is that a joke?”

Buck frowns, he was being serious. “What? You don’t think I’d be good at it?”

“You’d be terrible!” Eddie says, his smile softening the blow, “You never listen to anyone. You always have to be the hero, Buck, you’d keep trying to save everyone yourself.”

“Hey,” Bucks retorts, jerking his leg so his knee knocks into Eddie’s, “You’re one to talk,you put yourself next to a bomb in your first week on the job.”

“Sure I did, and who was right there with me, huh?” Eddie grins at him, knocks his knee right back into Buck’s. 

Buck glances at Eddie, who reaches over to grab another slice of pizza, and shifts his gaze to Chris who is still sleeping soundly on the sofa, and thinks about what Maddie said to him two days ago in the VA clinic. He presses his lips together, tries not to smile.


End file.
